Vicar's message from October, 2006

A Sermon @ Saint Patrick's
Proper 22 – Year B. Sunday, October 8, 2006 – On Divorce
Text: Genesis 2: 18-24; Mark 10:2-9
Preacher: Tinh Huynh+

    For all the Sundays after the Day of Pentecost, the lectionary assigns scripture readings on the teachings by Jesus. This means in this season we learn how we live out our faith as we say we are disciples of Christ. Apparently, today all the Episcopal, Methodist and Catholic churches are reading from Genesis Chapter 2 and Mark Chapter 10, and the topic is divorce. It is difficult to speak about divorce from the pulpit.
     To the church, the separation of married couple is a delicate matter, depending on its theology of marriage and on its interpretation of scripture. Normally, one would ask the three questions: What does our church tradition say about divorce? What does Scripture say about divorce? What does human reason say about divorce? Those are important questions. But I, for one, think that oftentimes we neglect the equally relevant question: what does the one who experiences divorce say about divorce?
     Obviously, only those who have gone through divorce can truly describe the pain, just as those who are married can tell of their pain in marriage, and those who are single can speak to the issues in the lives of single people.
     Experts on marriage can tell us of the many issues that lead to divorce. But as a lay person in the field, I tend to think simply that in marriage people come together and friction happens. The notion of becoming one flesh, as found in the Genesis passage and quoted in Mark, can be frightening to some people.
    Several years ago I officiated at the wedding of a young couple in California. The couple seemed to like the idea of becoming one in marriage. They quoted from scripture, and they put the line on their wedding invitation card: "The two shall become one flesh" (Mark 10:8b).
    The phrase impressed me. But soon I realized that the idea of becoming one in marriage works well only in a wedding sermon. For so many times when growing up in the Protestant Church in Vietnam, I listened to sermons on "the two becoming one" in marriage, with the emphasis of obedience on the woman's part. Words from the pulpit can be mere rhetoric.   In reality, during the honeymoon the couple may test each other to determine who will be the controlling one. In such a relationship, one may try to impose his or her culture upon the other, and try to change the other. In other words, you get married, and you can be "swallowed" by your spouse, and that can be the only way for the two to become one.
     A month ago, I watched an “animal” channel on the television, and I was fascinated by the story in which a big python died with its belly broken and animal experts were trying to determine the cause.
     The observers concluded that the python successfully swallowed an alligator. Apparently, the alligator survived inside the python's belly, and was strong enough to struggle and to break his or her way out, thanks to his or her thick skin and sharp claws.
      I was amused imagining the event in terms of marriage: the alligator fell in love with the python (he or she must have been hypnotized), and then came forward for the ceremonial kiss, with all the animals at the site – insects, fish, birds and beavers – witnessing and saying in unison, "We will." Then the swallowing and struggle troubled all the creatures at the scene.
     Many of us are familiar with the creation story in the Book of Genesis, Chapters 1 and 2. Each chapter tells the story of creation in a different order, because they are products of two different biblical traditions.
     The tradition that produced Genesis Chapter One declares that God created everything in the universe first, and then the animals, and God finally created man.
     The tradition that produced Genesis Chapter Two describes that God created man first, and then God created the animals to serve the man, and finally God created a woman from the man's rib. The "rib" may speak to the idea that the woman was a human just like the man that was created, but also that the woman came from the man and, therefore, was considered subordinated to the man. This idea was in the minds of many people in the New Testament world, and is certainly in those of people of today's many cultures. What did Jesus think about that idea?
     Some Old Testament scholars explain that the words "one flesh" in Genesis mean real flesh -- the bodies. The two become one in bodily union, to bring forth children and, therefore, take part in creation. Other experts suggest that one flesh means more than just physical union: in marriage, the couple becomes one in body, soul and mind.
     The Pharisees in today's gospel reading had a big question on divorce for Jesus, and they hoped that Jesus would say something against the Law of Moses. But Jesus did not discuss human law. Jesus went farther back to the Genesis story, only to describe God's intention for marriage and humanity's failure, offering no condemnation. Jesus spoke of the "hardening of heart." He spoke of human's failure in relationship, which is very much universal.
     In Jesus’ time, marriage was a matter between families. A person was not allowed to choose his or her own spouse. You and I know well about arranged marriage. In my old country, marrying couples must first get their parents' approval. If your parents do not like the person you wish to marry, or his or her family, they will try to do everything in their power to prevent the marriage from happening. In those societies, you do not marry only the person; you marry a whole family. Once married, you are not expected to divorce. If you get "swallowed," die. If you get abused, keep quiet. Divorce is shameful to the family.
     You and I know that we have to read scripture carefully to discern Jesus' teaching from the interpretation of the gospel writer. What appears as Jesus' own words in a story can actually be the writer's interpretation. Let's keep in mind that Jesus was never one for legalism. In Jesus' mind, law was made by humans, and humans were not made for the law. We also know that Christian traditions are not universal. The churches in Asia, Africa and elsewhere in the world, teach about divorce and remarriage differently from those in America.
    We humans err, but God always loves.
    The question should not be about right or wrong in divorce.
    The question should be, "As followers of Christ, do we seek healing?"
    Whether married, divorced or single, have I ever come to a point in my life where in desperation I said I gave myself to God and prayed for transformation? Have I ever looked into my heart and repented?
    The keyword here is "forgiveness."
    Yesterday I happened to watch an interview on television involving a member of the Amish community in Pennsylvania and a writer on the topic of ‘forgiveness.’
    The Amish community was mourning the loss of their five schoolgirls who were murdered. Leaders of the community announced that the Amish had forgiven the murderer, who killed himself in the tragedy, and spoke words of comfort to his wife and children. The interviewer asked, ‘how was it possible for the Amish to forgive so quickly?’
    The Amish lady replied that forgiveness is possible only when one holds a deep belief in forgiveness -- the belief that we must forgive others because of Christ's forgiveness to us. She also said that forgiveness can be made possible with the support of a community where faith is shared. She added that although forgiveness is difficult, one can decide to forgive. The author of a book on forgiveness in the interview agreed that forgiveness is possible, and he said, "Apology is important but not necessary in forgiveness. You can forgive even when there's no repentance."
     After watching the interview, I kept thinking about "decide to forgive" and about "support of the community to those who decide to forgive." I also thought about the prayerful practice of forgiveness as a daily exercise, which is made possible with our recognition of our own hurts and angers, forgiving those who trespass against us, from the smallest to the more serious offenses, and forgive yourself, as you trust in God's forgiveness to you through Christ.
     As far as divorce is concerned, the point is not really about who is at fault, nor is it even about guilt. The point is whether you are truly liberated and are on the journey toward healing.
     The church can be wrong when it remains judgmental toward those who have their marriage dissolved and neglects their pain. The church should be a community that support people in their marriage, but should also be a community that embraces and supports the brokenhearted, nudging them toward forgiveness and healing.
     What would Jesus say if he were with us today concerning divorce and remarriage? I believe that he would again teach us the Lord's Prayer, and the ancient short prayer, "Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy."
     God invites us to reach out to him in seeking healing, desperate as we may be. Amen.